Mother’s Day is a tricky holiday for me, sometimes I miss my mom and other days I am still relieved that everything is finally over. Yea, that sounds awful – I grew up with a mother who was mentally ill and who also toward the end was very physically ill. I didn’t have a bad childhood, it was just a different type of normal that we grew accustomed to. Some days she wouldn’t get out of bed, other days she seemed fine and content, one Thanksgiving she threw all of the food away and told us that none of use cared about the Native Americans anyway. It was actually the fine and content days that had us more on edge, always waiting for her to change at any moment. Up and down and up and down and up and down – a different kind of normal. As kids I don’t think it impacts you as much, I don’t think that I really understood until I was 12 or so and even then I didn’t understand – she was just different than other moms. I hated her for not being able to be normal, I pitied her, sometimes I was ashamed of her, I resented her but I really did love her. I truly am who I am today because of her, my empathy, compassion, patience and all of the other good stuff came from her. I learned a lot about being human and that the most important thing in the world isn’t to just be normal. I wouldn’t change my childhood for anything, it was completely bizarre but we did a lot of living. In the end we all found a little bit of peace but once in awhile I know I would give anything for one more bizarre, manic, up and down, just living kinda’ day.
Happy Mother’s Day <3