Dear Diary, I’m Judging You Too

This isn’t a beauty post so tap out now if you were here for that. A few posts ago I mentioned that I was thinking of starting a Dear Diary series and would just blog about random stuff. I thought I would give it a whirl today, I don’t know if this will be a regular series or just a sporadic thing that pops up when it suits me. That being said, these also aren’t meant to offend anyone (easier said than done) and are just my opinions from the one point of view that I have.

The other day I was at Target getting some toilet bowl cleaner like you do and there was this woman looking at me with such withering disdain that it shocked me. I don’t generally notice if people are looking at me, I am aware of my surroundings but I don’t really care about all of the trivial stuff that may or may not be going on around me. This woman though made me pause; Was I wearing pants? Did I have a nip slip? Was I doing anything particularly vulgar? Check, no and no.

I am unsure if it is just the area that I live and work in but I run into this from time to time, usually from other women. Even though I will never really know what she was thinking, I can assume that she was coming to some sort of conclusion about me based on my appearance. I know this because as she stood there prejudging me, I was doing the exact same thing to her. Married, two and a half kids, pre-fab house, over-sized SUV, Baby on Board decal. And I meant that in the snarkiest way possible. And what’s wrong with any of those things? Nothing. But what is wrong with not wanting any of those things? Also, nothing. Success is a social construct, it is something that we as human beings have simply made up and perpetuate via an unspoken commitment . I am not interested in the long-established definition of success and I shouldn’t be judged for that. Why can’t success be different for everyone? Simply because society says that it can’t be. The formula for success is widely accepted as, education + career + marriage + home ownership + kids = happiness. Yes, but why? Just because she and I measure happiness, accomplishment and success differently doesn’t mean that we haven’t both achieved it in our own right. It also doesn’t mean that our perception of happiness is so very different. I have had this discussion with peers and the popular opinion is that this is a phase that I will grow out of, I don’t understand these things because I haven’t achieved them yet. I disagree, I don’t understand these things because I don’t want them. I am simply non-conventional. I only started wearing a bra within the last 2 years and only because I feel like I am supposed to (that’s a whole other post and I’m still pissed off about it). I am only willing to do so much to please society and I refuse to sacrifice the things that make me really happy for those that should make me happy but really don’t. I certainly like having a good career that provides me with food and shelter and keeps from worrying about necessities. Perhaps if I didn’t have that then my definition of happiness would change but who knows?

I guess my point is – if it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad. I swear, what problem can’t Sheryl Crow solve? If it makes you happy, embrace it and celebrate it but keep the judgement to yourself. Your happiness is only based on your perception of happiness, as is mine.


I hope that you enjoyed my first Dear Diary post and thanks for stopping by <3

Follow me on the ‘Gram: QuiteSimplyStella


  • Chia

    Couldn’t agree more with your thoughts! We shall see success in any aspects and I know it is really sad to know that society really constructs our perception in seeing things, I hope everyone can stand for their own belief and goals to obtain their very own “success”.

  • Cheila

    You can choose to have whatever feels right to you, no need to please anyone else. There are no rules when it comes to living. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, you can do whatever you want. 🙂

  • starringpamela

    I agree! I love Amy Poehler’s quote “good for you, not for me!” What makes me happy might not make you happy and vice versa and I think everyone would be happier if we all just accepted that!

  • lifewithmrst

    This is such a great post, it feels like the ability to judge others is due to ignorance or lack of empathy. I got called weird the other day and I told the person that there is no such thing as weird.

    • Stella

      Thank you 😊 I agree, a lack of understanding. It’s funny that people who are generalized as ‘weird’ are often more gracious than those who generalize them. And too true, there is bo such thing!

%d bloggers like this: