Clearly, I’m a fan of Christmas – I’m doing the Blogmas thing, I put up two (count ’em) trees, I’ve been making lists, wrapping gifts but there are some holiday related things that will absolutely kill my mood. I get that we all have traditions and some have endured decades but I honestly don’t understand how these have become ingrained in modern-day Christmas celebrations…
Gag. This yuletide treat of cholesterol in a cup originated across the pond but fell out of fashion when the two-pounds of sugar and three-dozen eggs that were required to make it became scarce. Since the shortage did not extend to the New World, Americans embraced the making of ‘nog again. It’s literally raw eggs whipped into a froth, whole milk or cream, a pound of sugar and assorted spices. Doesn’t sound like it should taste like chemicals, right? Well it does, you can add all of the booze you want but it won’t mask the taste, even if you are blitzed prior to your first eggnog (as you should be), you’ll still gag. And what really baffles me is that there are dairy-free variations of ‘nog – kill the ‘nog!
Isn’t it enough that some geriatric stranger in velvet trousers is squeezing down your chimney while you sleep at night, now we need elves creeping about the house and getting into shenanigans? I mean, I have seen a ton of super cute elf ideas on Pinterest and I love the idea but the doll is terrifying. How did this thing gain a mainstream following, I think it’s supposed to be vintage inspired but those eyes…
I actually have a pickle for my tree but only because I thought it was cute, I didn’t know that there was this prisoner of war needing sustenance story behind it. If that’s true, it’s a very endearing story but where did the hiding of the pickle and getting an extra gift or cash come from? Like eggnog, I feel that this is one of those traditions that had some validity at one point and Americans have bastardized it. I don’t hide the pickle, it gets placed on the tree at the same time as all of the other ornaments.
It’s stale, fresh-made, it’s stale bready cake stuffed with unidentifiable fruits and sometimes weird gummy shit. Nobody eats the fruitcake, it gets re-gifted every year and yet some schmuck keeps bringing it to parties like it’s edible.
I mentioned this yesterday but I can’t stand the rock ‘n roll remixes of Christmas carols, they are all terrible. Nobody wants to hear The Boss belt out Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town because it’s sad and so uncool. Same goes for John Lennon & Yoko, The Beach Boys, The Kinks, Paul McCartney, Ramones, Mariah Carey. Terrible.
It’s ironic that if I showed up to a party and Mariah Carey wasn’t blasting or something like eggnog or fruitcake was missing then it wouldn’t feel like Christmas! I hate myself for that 😛 What holiday traditions could you skip on?